Sunday, March 27, 2005

Grey's Anatomy, Costco, Fox News, JP2

There's a new show on TV based in Seattle starring the asian chick from Sideways. The plot revolves around interns at a hospital who fuck eachother. "Hey," I say, "there's the Space Needle. Hey, there's the Alaskan Viaduct. Hey, there's Bainbridge." Etc. But wait, I look out the window of my apartment and say the same things. So why is it exciting when I see it on tv--a much smaller square than my window? Because it's on TV, and as such, eternal. Plus, I usually have to stand to see these landmarks. Not any more.

Anyway...Next time you're at Costco, this is what you're going to do. You're going to go straight past the Kirkland signature jeans, past the frozen potstickers, past the samples (you can do it, the hairnet guy cutting taquitos with scissors will still be there on the way back) and straight to the Lime Tequila Turkey double pack in the upright prepackaged refrigerated meats trough.

You will thank me.

Proper cooking will require an oven and a meat thermometer. And/or a girlfriend with the flat-out jesus-supplied SKILLZ required to use an oven and meat thermometer like I have. And if you're really lucky, she'll whip up some garlic mashed potatoes (not with garlic powder or something) but with honest-to-God broiled WHOLE GARLIC CLOVES accompanying asparagus saut├ęd in 10 year old balsamic vinegar.

The Simpsons are my Gospel. The best part of tonight's episode was where Kent Brockman pointed out the Fox News truck with the enormous BUSH/CHENEY sticker on it's side, with Queen's "We Are The Champions" playing through roof-mounted loudspeakers.

Roger Ailes is Satan. Rupert Murdock is the man who hired Satan. What does a foreign Billionaire with business ties to Red China have to gain by a divided American electorate? Anybody? Anybody?

So. The Pope's not long for this world, I'm afraid. Even though he's weakened the Democratic Party, refused to let women into the Priesthood, swept sexual predator priests under the rug by having them switch churches, and furthered the spread of AIDS and the oppression of women by continuing to disallow the use of birth control, I seriously believe there's a good man under all that fabulous silk.

May God will take his confused ass into heaven with open arms.


Post a Comment

<< Home